Hidden Disabilities
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I am labeled as having a hidden disability, however I have been impacted by it all
my life. My disability became more evident when I entered school. I have been accused
of being stupid, lazy, disruptive, and disorganized, and no matter how hard I tried
I couldn't change these things. I lived with a voice inside of me that asked, "What
is wrong with me?"
I began to feel stupid and ashamed at a very early age. I would study for school
but when I was in class it was as though I had never opened a book. I was disorganized,
nervous, and always jumping from one task to another never finishing anything. I
didn't know what was wrong with me--nor did any one else. I eventually gave up and
dropped out of high school in the 10th grade. The stress of not being able to keep
up and the sense of never-ending, impending doom, finally caught up with me.
I have a learning disability and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). My learning disability
has to do with the manner in which I take in information, how my brain files this
information, and how I retrieve it. My ADD manifests itself in attention, concentration,
and organizational skills. I'm the individual in the classroom who cannot filter
out extraneous noises and who is bothered by any activity taking place in the room.
I rigorously strive to attend to the instructor and the information s/he is presenting.
My learning disability and my ADD were not diagnosed until long after my children
were born and in school. My daughter began having learning problems at a young age
and the dialogue I was hearing from her teachers was familiar to me. I was seeing
history repeat itself through her. As I was participating in these dialogues it
was as though a light bulb went on inside my head. The voice inside me had an answer.
When my daughter was diagnosed with her disability I was able to get her immediate
assistance. As I saw her grades and self-esteem improve, and as I contemplated returning
to school myself, I sought testing and was diagnosed with a learning disability.
As an adult I still have emotional scars that were imprinted on me as a child with
ignorant labeling: lazy, disorganized, stupid, disruptive. Most importantly I was
plagued by the fact that I was a high school dropout. Today I understand my disabilities.
With my diagnosis I began to learn that I wasn't the label of my disability, I just
needed to get the information differently. With knowledge and confidence I went
back to school to get the education I was denied. I was 47 years old.
Learning does not come easily to someone with a learning disability, but with support
systems it is possible. UCSB offers support systems for individuals with learning
disabilities to meet their individual needs. The Disabled Students Program (DSP)
is much broader in scope, providing a wide range of services to individuals with
all types of disabilities both permanent and temporary. Comprehensive documentation
is required to register with DSP; however, the cost of such testing is well worth
the investment in one's future.
To compensate for my learning disability and attention deficit disorder, I employ
compensatory strategies to match my learning style. Accommodations I receive from
DSP are: extended time to take exams, computer accommodations, and note-taking services.
I also utilize Campus Learning Assistance Services for tutorial assistance. They
assist with reinforcing information presented in class. With the support of the
resources on campus, the encouragement of DSP, the College of Letters & Science,
and CLAS staff, I have furthered my understanding and my capabilities. My disability
is no longer something that stops me from believing in myself or achieving my goals.
Today, I'm a religious studies major in my senior year. I hope to graduate next
year with my husband and children cheering me on as I accept my diploma.
Today, there are no barriers to my dreams and I've learned first-hand that you can't
go back in time, but it's never too late to learn. I'm very grateful for the world
that has been opened to me through higher education. I encourage all students who
have a learning disadvantage to forge ahead no matter what the obstacles may be,
for the rewards far outweigh the disadvantages. My grandmother used to say "shoot
for the moon; you just might land among the stars."
- Susan Dobson, Religious Studies Major
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